Moving on from grief and loss…. “Shouldn’t I be feeling better by now?”

Grief is a universal human experience, yet it remains deeply personal and often misunderstood. Every individual grief story is unique and whilst death may be the most recognised trigger, people also grieve relationships (a living loss), identities, health, hopes, and futures that no longer exist. Bereavement is not simply the aftermath of death; it is the emotional, psychological, and physical response to loss in all its forms.

Unhelpfully, films, TV series and stories on this subject matter tend to depict a nice neat linear journey, constructed of a:

Beginning (initial shock) Middle (processing feelings) End (acceptance/peace of mind).

This may provide for a good storyline but is not realistic nor reflective to the true experience of grief and therefore it is no wonder that in comparison to this we find ourselves asking the question “Shouldn’t I be feeling better by now?” 

Grief can ebb and flow, resurface unexpectedly, and coexist with moments of joy, relief, or even numbness. There is no “right” way to grieve, and comparison often deepens our suffering rather than easing it.

Many people struggle not only with their loss, but with the pressure to grieve in socially acceptable ways. Well‑meaning comments such as “be strong” or “they wouldn’t want you to be sad” can unintentionally silence pain. When grief is not given space, it often finds other ways to express itself—through anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, or a sense of disconnection from self and others.

Therapeutic support offers a compassionate space where grief does not need to be justified, rushed, or fixed. In therapy, grief can be explored as a relationship that continues to evolve rather than something to “get over.” By gently acknowledging the loss and the meaning it holds, individuals can begin to integrate grief into their lives rather than feeling overwhelmed by it.

Grief is not a sign of weakness; it is a reflection of love, attachment, and significance. When we allow grief to be witnessed and honoured, we create the possibility for healing—not by erasing loss, but by learning how to carry it with care.